he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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