At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
