idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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