I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
