seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
