Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
