Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
