would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
