He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
