My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
