Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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