I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
