somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
