You're so nebulous sometimes
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
