It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
