Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
