Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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