It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
