dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
