Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
