I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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