I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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