I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
