I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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