remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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