I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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