How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
