Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
