so explain again why im purple
no
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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