just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
