if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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