you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
