Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
