I puked a lego.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
