It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
