i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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