All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize