Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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