If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
worst night to have a conscience
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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