I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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