she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
