Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
