She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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