if i can run in heels then i can drive
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think my moral compass just broke
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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