i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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