My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
