she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
