...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
