I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
