I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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