I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
