the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
