okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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