Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was confusing and full of hummus
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
