Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
