I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
