I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
