Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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