Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
