I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
