at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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