Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
