he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
