Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
