So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
