You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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