i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
