I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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