So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
