i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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