You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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