just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
