..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
