the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
