Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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