I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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