So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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