Pants 0. Shit 1.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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