fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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