Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize