i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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