And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
