someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
