She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
