Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
